Have you ever noticed that the angriest person in the room is often the one who points out mistakes or problems everyone else is avoiding? While anger has this energy to propel us into action, typically it creates tunnel vision, disrupting our ability to see the full picture. If unchecked, anger can alienate us from others, like a forest fire that smolders beneath the surface and shows up when you least expect it.

For example, a sarcastic comment in a meeting can quickly become the focus of hallway gossip. These moments can leave us replaying the incident over and over, feeding the cycle of anger and making it hard to break free. This spiral can lead us to act out of a need to control our circumstances in an over-powering or even dominating way.

And let’s face it—telling someone to “calm down” almost always makes things worse. Instead of suppressing anger or letting it consume us, we can learn to honor its presence. Anger often signals that something is wrong or that someone—perhaps even ourselves—has been wronged. Recognizing and addressing it can help us dissolve its toxicity and reduce the feeling of overwhelm.

Steps to Transform Anger

1. Observe and Accept the Emotion Pay attention to your anger without judgment. Notice where you feel it in your body. Is it a tightening in your chest? A knot in your stomach? Acknowledge its presence and focus on releasing the tension. Visualizations can help—imagine a bird flying away, carrying the anger with it into the sky and away from you.

2. Name Your Anger Give your anger a funny or silly name to create emotional distance from it. When you feel anger rising, you can say to yourself, “There goes Exploding Earl again, blowing things out of proportion. Goodbye, Earl!” This practice helps you see anger as separate from who you are.

3. Shift Your Perspective Recognize that anger is often a pattern of thinking. Remind yourself that you can choose how to respond rather than letting anger dictate your actions. When you notice the old pattern creeping in, gently redirect your thoughts toward what you can control or what constructive steps you can take.

An example of Inspiring Action

Consider a team meeting where tensions run high. One person might make a sarcastic comment about missed deadlines. They may be blaming you or others without all the facts. Instead of reacting defensively, you could acknowledge the underlying frustration: “It sounds like we’re all feeling the pressure. Let’s brainstorm ways we can solve this.” Now you are shifting focus from blame to collaboration.

Anger doesn’t need to be destructive. By observing it, naming it, and choosing how to respond, we can turn it into a powerful teacher.